Thicc Evo 2025 NFL Mock Draft 1.0

The regular season has come to an end, but the fun is just beginning... at least for 18 teams and all of the NFL degenerates like myself who lust for the offseason. This is probably just a side effect from loving a team who regularly starts their offseason around this time, but not this year!

Alas, mock draft season is upon us. Here I give you my first take at a publicly displayed draft (along with some offseason moves), but keep in mind that this is basically a rough, rough draft (pun intended). I've only just started my scouting of the players expected to enter the draft, and team needs will no doubt dramatically change over the next few months. This mock is meant to be a little appetizer to hold us off until the main courses start to arrive. With that in mind, take a look, feel free to criticize, but also know that this is made for fun with only a slight bit of insight into the needs of each team and the prospects. There's a little of what I would do, what I think teams should do, what I think teams will do even if I disagree, and of course... trades.

1.      Tennessee Titans: QB Cam Ward

With Ran Carthon out the door, a big factor will be who the Titans bring in to complement Callahan on and off the field. Levis wasn’t Callahan’s guy to begin with, and now he has a chance to have his choice of options. Ward isn’t polished, but his play this previous season and tools ready for refinement have a lower floor with the highest ceiling of the class.

2.      Trade: Cleveland Browns >>> Las Vegas Raiders: QB Shedeur Sanders

The Browns could easily sit and take a QB, but with multiple teams (and their front offices) desperate for a lifeline from a rookie QB, Cleveland ships it’s pick off and sets it’s eyes towards a competitive rebuild. Plus, with Justin Fields in the QB room, things would start to get too crowded.

The Raiders, helmed by Todd Monken and backed by Tom Brady bite the bullet and backage picks 6 and 37 this year along with a 1st and a 3rd next year to beat out the competition in order to get Shedeur. Sanders isn’t electric, but neither was Tom. The hope is stability, accuracy, and decision-making while growing the roster.

3.      New York Giants: WR/CB Travis Hunter

Well, the Giants are out of luck on first round QB’s (unless Drew Allar decides to declare after all). Thankfully, the Giants saw this potentially coming and traded a 3rd rounder for Derek Carr (saving the Saints roughly 30 mil in cap space after he declines restructure). With no QB’s available, the Giants grab the next best option and grab a guy who can either bolster the secondary, or round out the receiving corps in Hunter.

4.      New England Patriots: WR Tetairoa McMillan

The Patriots move on from Jerod Mayo and move on to, in my opinion, a more veteran version of the same guy in Vrabel. Vrabs is a defensive guy, but he isn’t dumb. He knows that he needs to get weapons for his young QB, and Tet probably is the closest thing to a #1 outside threat in the draft. He’ll pair well along side their sexy free agency acquisition at WR (more on him later).

5.      Jacksonville Jaguars: CB Will Johnson

The Jags are potentially the winners of the Head Coach sweepstakes by nabbing Ben Johnson (after offering him a boatload of cash and pushing out Baalke as GM for his choice Lance Newmark). Johnson thinks he can pull a Goff revitalization with Lawrence, and likes the offensive weapons in place, but knows the defense needs work. Insert Will Johnson, potentially the best pure corner in the draft.

6.      Las Vegas Raiders >>> Cleveland Browns: OL Will Campbell

a.      Trading back some allows the Browns to focus on building back through the trenches and through youth across the entire roster while also setting the stage for them to be aggressive for a QB in next year’s class. With the 6th pick, the Browns grab Campbell, who’s arms might make him a better fit as a guard, but regardless, he fills a need to get things on track for the Dawg Pound.

7.      New York Jets >>> Dallas Cowboys: RB Ashton Jeanty

The Cowboys and Jurrah can’t hold back and jump the gun to move up and grab a RB. The good news is that Jeanty fills a huge need and is an overall solid value (though he would have been more valuable and probably still available at 12). In return, the Jets move back 5 spots and pick up a 3rd round pick for their troubles.

8.      Carolina Panthers: ED Abdul Carter

The Panthers can start to breathe by thinking that Bryce Young is turning the corner. Regardless, the one thing that turned a wrong corner was their defense. Abdul Carter is many people’s top edge rusher and starts to build that side of the ball up.

9.      New Orleans Saints: OL Kelvin Banks Jr.

The Saints were not an enviable spot for a head coach, and have to peck from the second (or third) tier. Kellen Moore gets his shot to try and helm a franchise, and decides to focus on the offensive side of the ball. The Saints need an injection of youth in the trenches, and so Banks is brought in to provide protection to… whoever ends up playing QB.

10.  Chicago Bears: DT Mason Graham

The Bears snag John Gruden to lead their team while growing (and maturing) their young QB. Gruden knows that he needs to get better protection for Williams, but he also remembers how impactful a defensive penetrator can be from his time with Warren Sapp. Graham would have been a high first rounder last year, and his stock didn’t fall one bit after this season. One of the blue chip talents in this draft.

11.  San Francisco 49ers: OT Josh Simmons

a.      The 49ers have a lot of questions to answer, with most of them being financial. One thing that they know they need is to prepare for the future and guard against injuries, which is where Simmons steps in. An injury hurt his stock, but he is hopeful to be a future replacement for Trent Williams.

12.  Dallas Cowboys >>> New York Jets: CB Benjamin Morrison

The Jets need to find a way to heal, and the first step is by moving on from Aaron Rodgers. Rex Ryan comes in as their head coach once again, and has the balls to push forward without a cancer in the locker room. DJ Reed races out the door, so Morrison is brought in to be his replacement. Note that Morrison is recovering from an injury and might return to school, so this option may be off the table.

13.  Miami Dolphins: WR Luther Burden

The Dolphins were put in a predicament with Tyreek Hill, and while the organization says things are better now, we know better. Hill is moved in the offseason, though I don’t know where. McDaniels needs to find a replacement to keep his offense humming, and Burden provides a dynamic option with a very unique skillset. Miami hopes he is the Malik Nabers of this class.

14.  Indianapolis Colts: TE Tyler Warren

They always say that a TE is a young QB’s best friend. Well, Richardson really needs some help which Warren can provide immediately. And Ole Kirko Chains will also enjoy tossing him the ball as a bridge. On top of that, Warren is a very solid blocker for Jonathan Taylor and can be a multitool for Steichen.

15.  Atlanta Falcons: DE James Pearce Jr.

The Falcons may have fumbled their signing of Kirk Cousins, but they won’t make that mistake this year. The offense has weapons all around and Penix will make use of those weapons. The biggest need on this team is pass rush, and Pearce is a perfect fit who is currently being slept on.

16.  Arizona Cardinals: DT Tyleik Williams

The Cardinals hope that they can get Kyler’s head on straight this offseason, but if that experiment fails don’t be surprised if he is traded before the deadline. Gannon leans into his defensive roots and grabs Williams, who is a big body built to clog up the middle, and the middle (of the league) is where the Cardinals may find themselves again.

17.  Cincinnati Bengals: ED Nic Scourton

Lou Anarumo was giving his walking papers after his defense was the downfall of this team. The real culprit was a lack of talent along with their perennial slow start. One of those problems starts to get addressed with Scourton, who pairs up opposite of Trey Hendrickson. Emeka Egbuka was in serious consideration here after Tee Higgins left for a bag in New England, but defense remained the focus.

18.  Seattle Seahawks: OT Aireontae Ersery

It seems like we hear this every year, but the Hawks O-line was a sieve and needs to be fixed. The team can be moderately successful with Geno at QB, but it feels like they will be in gridlock until they make a youth move at the position. Until then, they bring in Ersery to try and provide more protection and push for their backs.

19.  Houston Texans: OL Wyatt Milum

The sophomore slump for Stroud wasn’t all his fault. Injuries really derailed the offense, and protection for CJ, particularly in the middle of the line, was terrible. Milum projects best as a guard and fills a need right away.

20.  Denver Broncos: TE Colston Loveland

Sean Payton finds his new Jimmy Graham in Loveland, who was a very effective receiver at Michigan. The defense in Denver is already solid, so providing more weapons for Nix will help his development and make Denver more dangerous going forward.

21.  Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Jalon Walker

The Bucs have a huge need for pass rushers but could also look to replace their aging linebackers. The fact that Walker is still here is nearly criminal, and he fills both needs because he not only can cover, but is an excellent pass rusher who still has room to grow.

22.  Pittsburgh Steelers: OL Josh Conerly Jr.

The Steelers will probably continue to roll with Russ next year and should find him more weapons. Unfortunately, this franchise think round 1 receivers are poison. Instead, they continue to pour assets into the line, and grab Conerly. Conerly was very effective as a pass blocker and only allowed one sack in each of the past two years, so he hopefully will slide into a starting spot immediately.

23.  Los Angeles Rams: CB Shavon Revel

The Rams have glaring weaknesses all over their defense which ultimately will be their downfall in the playoffs. The Rams execute a trade with the Vikings to grab Sam Darnold on the Franchise tag, and sign him to a 3 year contract to be the heir apparent to Stafford. The Vikes wanted a 1st round pick in exchange, but settled for pick 87 this year and a second round pick in 2026. The Rams turn their attention to defense and take Shavon Revel, who is only available because of his injury and questions about level of competition.

24.  Green Bay Packers: CB Jahdae Barron

The Packers are known for making boneheaded picks in the first round. They don’t exactly do that this year, and make a move to replace Jaire Alexander who is ultimately released because he is Justin Jefferson’s bitch. The Packers grab Barron, who is typically seen as more of a 2nd round CB, so while they get a need, they also struggle to make the best choices.

25.  Los Angeles Chargers: DT Kenneth Grant

Harbaugh struggles to tuck his erection into his waistband of his khakis while seeing Cam Skattebo on the board, but a calmer head takes over and Kenneth Grant, who he knows well from Michigan, is brought in. Harbaugh is smart and knows that the trenches need to be strong, and Grant comes in as an all-around solid lineman.

26.  Washington Commanders: ED Mykel Williams

The Commanders struck gold with Daniels in the draft last year, but their defensive construction still is lacking. Williams is very reminiscent of Travon Walker from a size and athleticism standpoint, so betting on him at this point in the draft is a decent value.

27.  Baltimore Ravens: CB Trey Amos

The Ravens took a significant step backwards on defense this year. Part of that involves the loss of MacDonald at DC, but their secondary also proved to be lacking. Amos is brought in to grow and build opposite of Wiggins.

28.  Minnesota Vikings: DT Walter Nolen

The Vikings have needs along the interior of their O-line, but it’d be rich to take someone like Tyler Booker at this point. Instead, they look at their line on the other side of the ball. Nolen actually boosts two spots through his addition, as Harrison Philips is able to move to a more natural 3-4 end spot.

29.  Buffalo Bills: ED Shemar Stewart

The Bills are looking for someone who can play all across the D-line while also being a replacement for a guy like Von Miller. Insert this year’s Darius Robinson:  Shemar Stewart. A blend of unique size and athleticism, Stewart has a high ceiling, with a bit of a low floor.

30.  Philadelphia Eagles: ED Landon Jackson

Landon just feels like an Eagle to me. He also comes with fantastic size and solid production and Arkansas. With few weaknesses on this roster outside of emotions and coaching, why not add more pass rushers?

31.  Kansas City Chiefs: WR Emeka Egbuka

The Chiefs and Mahomes looked extremely lackluster this year, especially on offense. Incredible coaching, a generational QB, and maybe some help from the officials kept their dynasty rolling. They hope to help bring a spark back to the offense with the edition of Egbuka, the next in a long line of Ohio State receivers who continue to have success in the NFL.

32.  Detroit Lions: ED Princely Umanmielen

Hutchinson will be back next year and he was having an incredible season prior to going down with a gruesome injury. Princely, who has maybe the slowest yet oddly dangerous spin move in the pass rush game, immediately plugs in opposite and gives a huge boost to this defense, and an already dangerous team.